Family Finances

Budget. Oh dear, I need to go wash my mouth out. Often times we consider this to be an evil thing. Budgeting. I have honestly rolled my eyes and dragged my feet whenever I was taught about budgets. But, after a money management class and some personal study, I have learned that budgeting can be a great strength in any situation. I know that I want to be able to contribute to my family in any way I can. I want to be a strength in my relationship as a wife and as a mother, and I want to be as prepared as possible for the future. The only way to stop money from managing our lives is to manage our money. 
Here are some ways how:

• Pay your tithe/offerings - Put the Lord first, and He will help you
• Learn how money works, and take an active role with your expenditures
• Learn self-discipline and self-restraint - This is critical! Know where your money is going and keep track!
• Create a debt elimination calendar - In debt? You can get out. Set up a payment plan, sacrifice your daily bon-bons or coffee or whatever and see what you can save
• USE A BUDGET - Direct your money and it cannot direct you
• Teach others about the importance of working and earning - You are helping others, and by teaching you are learning more.
• Teach kids in a way they understand - Tell the kids why they should save, or why they should wait to get that teddy from the toystore
• Make education a continued process - The more you know, the more you earn
• Work to earn your home - Homeowners get tax deductions, that'll save you a buck! And it is then an asset in your name. Even just working to equity makes a difference
• Have good insurance - Take care of yourself and your family, it's worth the cost
• Understand the influences that direct your finances and investments - Knowledge is power
• Prepare for the future - You never know what is going to happen, but we can be ready to face the future with our finances in order.

Remember that it may be hard now, but if you sacrifice now, you will be happy later.

For more information, go to "One for the Money" by Marvin J Ashton or http://www.daveramsey.com/ or watch some of these videos:

Listening, Communicating, and Understanding.

If you have not seen this video, you need to watch it now! Not only is it funny, but it really proves the differences in the way boys and girls communicate. 

Listening: To give one's attention to a sound; to take notice of and act on what someone says.

Communication: The imparting or exchanging of information or news. 

Understanding: The ability to understand something; comprehension.

So we are constantly hearing couples bicker about their spouse not being able to communicate and exactly how frustrating it is. So why do we keep communicating in the same way? When talking, we often find ourselves making assumptions, based on our feelings, impressions or misunderstandings. How can we avoid these problems? You could try to avoid using sarcasm, being clear in your expectations, validate the other person's feelings, express your love, being direct (don't beat around the bush), focus on one issue at a time, using I-feel messages, and being aware of your tone and non-verbal ques. If we can do these things, we will find that we can be more clear in our communication and much more able to understand others.

Stress...

Stress, man oh man. Just thinking the word makes my forehead crinkle and gets my mind racing to whatever it is I need (need need need) to do. In my family, stress is basically a constant and we have learned how we cope as a family. Let me share a story.

Once upon a time, the Tucker family went to Yellowstone for a family reunion. We had just finished watching a movie (The Princess Bride), and were just goofing around and sharing inside jokes between us six kids. This was several years ago, I was about fifteen, and the youngest kid in our family was two. It was dusk, and we had been driving for a long, long time. Out of no where, an elk appeared and hit our car. Let me tell you, none of us saw this coming, and looking back now, we were lucky to have lived. 

My mom was driving, and the elk hit the passenger side of the hood, and my mom swerved at the just right moment, and we only hit it in the rump. When checking the tracks on our way back home after the trip there were skid marks for over 100 yards. Our car was a little banged up, and the elk was no where to be found. 

I chose to share this story because it was a terrifying experience, and our whole family was involved. And we all responded to the stress in different ways. In the back of the car, Rachel (10), Olivia (5), and Jack (2) were looking around for the elk and asking, "What was that? What happened?" My brothers, McKay (13) and Ryan (10), were freaking out, thinking it was cool and wondering where the elk was and they were honestly really excited. I was trying (so, so hard) not to laugh. That's my natural reaction to really stressful situations. My dad was looking around, trying to figure out the best thing to do and making sure that we were all alright. As you can tell, with seven of us freaking out, it was very loud. What I remember most about my mom's reaction was her hands. She was shaking so hard, it made me stop laughing. Then she turned around, crying, and yelled at all of us, "Everybody, be QUIET!" Let me tell you, nothing could have stopped us so quickly. 

Our different reactions lead to different ways of coping. Whether we were crying, bewildered, hysterical, excited or anxious, we all were there for each other. We could rely on each other. I turned around and soothed Jack, the boys distracted my sisters, and my dad took over driving for my mom. That's one thing I really admire about my family. We are all so different in our temperaments, personalities and reactions, but we all love each other and we take care of each other. 

They say that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, and I believe that we have the chance to make that come true. Ultimately we have the choice to be reactive or proactive. And this choice we make will determine the person we are after the experience. Whether it's an elk in Yellowstone, death, an injury or sickness, moving away, or other stressful occurrences, we determine whether they make us better or bitter.

Taking a Stand.

Sex. It's something many don't talk a lot about, and something many do not understand. So what makes it good? What makes it right? Taking a stand can be criticized when it comes to sex, but hey! If I don't make this interesting and you don't agree, why would you read my blog? Let's take a look.

Sex should be between a man and a woman, lawfully wedded as husband and wife. This is my opinion, and I truly believe that when sex is between a husband and wife, the couple will be much happier, in the moment and later in their lives. For the rest of this post, that's the perspective I will be taking and applying. Sex serves two purposes: to bond the couple as they express their love physically, and to create life and have children and a family. 

Did you know that in order for women to enjoy having sex with their husband she needs to feel safe, close and connected. But, for men it is the opposite. In order to feel safe, close and connected  he needs to have sex. 

Here are some problems people encounter with sex: selfishness, perceiving that your partner is being selfish, simple misunderstandings, communication problems, what the media and the world portrays sex to be and those false expectations, the concept that sex is dirty or naughty, resentment stemming from giving too much of yourself, awkwardness, and infidelity. 

So how can we prevent these problems and increase our overall marital satisfaction? 

One thing is to take the time to "affair-proof" our marriages, having open communication between yourself and your spouse, finding a way to love each other kindly, create clear boundaries with the people who have an influence on our marriages, actually having intimacy in the relationship, and not, under any circumstances spending time with members of the opposite sex alone.
What do you think? Do you agree? Do you have to be married to enjoy physical intimacy? What helps enrich your relationships and what tears them down? Let me know and post below!

LoVe LoVe LoVe

Love, love, love. Everybody loves love. What is love? How do you know how you really feel about someone? Let's take a look!

There are four forms of love in the greek language. These types are: storge, philia, agape, and eros. Each have their own meaning: unconditional love (mother-child), great friendship (your bff Jill), christian love (fellowship or charity), and romantic love (grandma and grandpa!).

It is important to determine which kind of love you feel for someone. Love is a tricky thing, and is not always simple. Frank Sinatra said that "Love and marriage/ go together like a horse and carriage/ this I tell ya, brother, you can't have one without the other."

So what kind of love lasts the longest? Research shows that most relationships start out with a lot of passion, and after getting married, sharing your two lives, having kids, and growing old together, this passionate love tends to fade into a loving companionship. While some may think this is sad, I think there is a certain beauty to becoming so close. And studies also show that when couples make a point of spending alone time together, they have greater marital satisfaction. Everyone loves love, and love is one of the greatest things that will happen for a lifetime.

Love Just Comes Softly

This is one of my favorite quotes. Maybe that's because it's true. People think that love comes all at once and you just sorta fall and don't know what's going on and it's unsettling and crazy and just wonderful. While this happens to some, it certainly doesn't happen to all of us. When you look at love, there isn't a way to measure it, command it, or give it away. We can try, and we can do our best, but it can't be controlled.

I think that love can be fast and furious, but it can be slow and sweet. For a real, lasting, worthwhile relationship, often times you end up being with your best friend.

There is a process of "falling" in love. You need to know someone first. After you get to know them (by talking, spending quality time, and being together in different situations), you can slowly start to trust them. Once you know you can trust them, you can actually rely on them. After you can rely on them, then comes the ability to commit to that person. After you commit, that's when it's alright to touch. I think that this sets up two people for a good relationship. When things get out of order, the relationship becomes unstable, and the levels of trust, reliability and commitment all become skewed. For example, if you give someone a kiss before you trust them, it will change your level of commitment and reliance on them. And your level of trust will definitely change, even if you don't really trust them.

So you see, love does come slowly. Love is gentle, love is kind. Love is having someone else on your mind. When you are able to put someone else before yourself and you know them well enough to be sure that they put you first, that's when there is love.

A Touchy Subject

Well hello! I have a hot button topic today: homosexuality and same-gender attraction. I have known several people who have dealt with this, so I understand a little of what they go through. We discussed a process people go through in discovering they are homosexual. I'm going to describe this process and please feel free to comment and say what you think about it.

Let's be real here, we are all born with different personalities, preferences, and temperaments. People have different strengths and weaknesses and characteristics. Let's say Bobby (fictional character for this post) is a sweet little boy who likes to draw and is sensitive to the needs of others. In his early educational years, Bobby often spends time doing art with the little girls during free time rather than knocking down blocks with the other boys. As these kids grow up, other's notice that Bobby acts differently than the other boys, and a separation is drawn there. His preferences are gender atypical, and thus he spends less time with the boys. As he gets older the boys make fun of him, calling Bobby a sissy or a wuss. He may try to fit in with the guys, but he fails to do so. After the kids have grown up a little more, they begin to hit puberty, and begin to notice the members of the opposite sex. Because Bobby has been playing and spending time with the girls, he is already accustomed to them, and they are used to him as well. But he still is not buddy-buddy with the guys, and he longs for this camaraderie with the boys that are his age. At this point in the process, Bobby is longing for intimacy and there is nothing sexual about his yearnings. Eventually, Bobby is exposed to some form of sexual connection with another boy (it could be just experimentation or he could be a victim) and his body responds. This is when we need to realize that while he is physiologically excited, it does not make him homosexual. Not in the least bit. In fact, it means that his body is functioning normally. But because of his reaction, Bobby begins to wonder if he is gay. He may look back and say that he always was different from the other boys, even very early on. Maybe, just maybe, he is gay.

Now, I am not suggesting that this is a hard and fast rule and everyone who is homosexual has been through this process, but I do believe that there is some validity here. I have known different kids who I went to high school with where I believe this process happened.

Research proves that by understanding this process, developing proper intimacy skills, stopping any form of homosexual activities, and developing emotional regulation skills, people who thoroughly considered themselves homosexual found that they were not.

So what do you think? Is there any validity to the process? Do you know anyone who has dealt with same-gender attraction? Do they believe they were born that way? Let me know in your comments below.